Depression

When it has hold of you there is no doubt that hell is a very real place and that you can go there and stay there for as long as you choose. The front half of my brain feels as if it is slowly being filled with liquid and that at any moment the pressure from it is going to release, spilling out of my eyeballs and ears, but it never does and the pressure just keeps building. With this strain on the brain it is impossible to coral one's thoughts. The most vile things a mind can imagine roam free doing their horrible work for their horrible master, and they do not know the word surrender, for they persist in the work they do and they will see it through to the end, the ultimate destruction of their host. I have battled this battle since I was a little boy and each new engagement with the enemy is fiercer and more harrowing than the battle before it. A person can become more and more capable of defending one's self from the stigma of depression the more and more that person has to fight it. Just as a human has the ability to adapt though, it is the same with depression. It evolves and always finds new ways of entering and destroying its target. I do not know how to remove the bullseye from my chest, but I have learned over the years how to become a hard target. Not in the sense that I can avoid being hit by depression's deadly aim, but that when it does hit me, it hits a hardened target. I am a hardened target because I refuse to take pills to try and wage battle, I hunker down inside my own mind and with pure force of will make it go back to its rightful place in hell. I've never been able to make the sorry rascal stay in hell, but I have been able to make it go back every time. Of the thousands of times it has waged battle against me, if I would have wavered for one single second during one second of it, I would surely be a dead man. Ultimately it comes down to the Will of God, and what it is that is meant for each of us. Evil is always trying; the devil will not quit the pursuit. The Spirit within us, that proves our origins of Light, that is what has the power to protect us. It surely has protected me. In those darkest moments there has always been something more than me keeping me holding on. Something beyond myself. Something better than myself. The perfect part of myself. The Spirit within myself. Depression is tricky and the demons and ghouls who run it are true warriors for darkness. They have access to my mind, body, and soul because I was born into this world. They have zero access to the Spirit within me though, for the Spirit's Greatness is far beyond them and they cannot be in the presence of the Spirit. Depression is the hardest thing I've ever had to endure in this mortal life, thank you Father for the Christ and the Spirit that have aided my journey back home, away from this world and its depression.