Suffering in Christ

The world had beaten me to a pulp. There was nothing left. The pressure of life and avoiding all of its pitfalls had crushed my spirit. For nearly two years I completely removed myself from society and began a process of death and of rebirth. While dying I danced with the dark and gave far too much comfort to thoughts like pulling a plastic bag around my head and taping it off at the neck. I had to actually reach the point where I wished for death so that Christ might grant it to me. I am no longer who I was. By removing myself from the world I was able to finally connect with God in a way that I will never have to find again. I now know it. I know the only important thing I will ever have to know again and that is that we are not alone in this. I had to completely take the world out of my life for a very long time to truly reach touch with my spirit. I had to lose every single thing I have ever loved to truly realize that before I made Christ my understood Ally I was nothing. Sometimes the only way through a thick skull is to pound through it with brute force and that is what the Lord has done with me. Tough love does not bother me at all, for He drank my sin and has tasted all of my horrible deeds, if I should suffer to come closer to truth then so be it, I will suffer for it gladly. I think that is what is wrong with Christianity in America. We try and hide the fact that suffering is a huge part of connecting with divinity. We try and be so comfortable and to have everything planned out in advance. There are Americans that are so rich that they would have to have an amazing IQ and a team of doctors just to know all the shit they've got. So much suffering and pain and so much wealth and power. I used to get so angry with rich people and the thought of their lifestyles, but as the days have passed I begin to find myself feeling sorry for them. with ultra wealth it is very hard to know true divinity lest you give most of it away. This being said think of what they have to lose by dying. The one thing they can't buy their way out of and it will cost them everything eventually. There are those who would conclude that they have all of their wealth because the Lord Willed it to them. They are correct about the Will of God, but they fail to recognize the test that the Lord has set down before them. My test has been to simply survive and believe. Their test is far more complicated, for survival is no longer a major concern of theirs and they have little need to pray. Everything they have and all the bundles of money they own pile up between them and God Almighty. I feel sorry for them indeed, for if I had all that shit between me and the Lord I would be in some real trouble...damn. If you are out there and you suffer know that you are not alone. Know that your suffering might very well save your soul.Understand and believe that Christ ingested all of your nightmares and He will receive you from them if you truly believe in Him. We may never know true peaceful dreaming on this earth, but wouldn't it be nice to wake up in His arms?